Why Wouldn't I Run (Malerie Taylor)

Last week I had a really tough parenting afternoon. After being home all day with my

children, ages two and five, I was spent. The two year old refused her afternoon nap and that

combined with several other things led to me having a shorter than normal fuse. My son was not listening very well and I became very frustrated. I will spare you all the details but it was not a pretty moment for me. I ran back to my room to cry (and scream) in private. My daughter followed me, also crying and somewhat startled because mama yelled. I went to my closet and immediately hit my knees praying to Jesus. I haven’t always gone straight to the Lord in moments like this. Many times, my intense feelings of guilt and shame have kept me from going to Him right away. I was so desperate in this moment though and I knew I needed His presence.I needed to confess my sin to Him. I needed His help and guidance. Just a few moments later, I was back in the living room with both of my children when I noticed worship music playing in the kitchen. I had turned it on earlier in the day. I went into the kitchen and again hit my knees in prayer, crying out to God in desperation and just feeling so much guilt over losing my temper. As I prayed, a song came on that I had never heard before. It was such a beautiful song and was everything I needed to hear at that moment.

“I don't know why I keep on pretending that I can live this life on my own

Cause every time I lean into His goodness I'm reminded that Im never alone

If I know that Jesus is the answer and He’s already done what must be done

Why wouldn’t I run? Why wouldn’t I run? Why wouldn’t I go to my Father and rest in His love?

How could I stay here in this place when He’s waiting arms wide open with His amazing grace? When I can hear Him calling me to come, why wouldn’t I run?”

Tears were streaming down my face as I knelt there, whispering the words “why wouldn't I run” over and over. You see, Jesus wants us to run to Him when we sin, as we all inevitably will. It is much easier to hide or ignore it, but when we do that we give the enemy a foothold. The enemy wants us to sit in our feelings of guilt and shame and not take those feelings to Jesus. But Jesus tells a different story. He tells a story of forgiveness and unrelenting love. As long as we are on this side of Heaven, we will struggle with sin. But when we do, Jesus wants us to run straight to Him, to bring our sin into the light and let his amazing mercy, grace, and forgiveness wash over us.

As the song goes, Jesus has already done what must be done, so why wouldn’t we run?

After the song ended and I was still on my knees praying, another song came on-one I don't

recall. Then just a minute or so into the song, it went off and a different one came on. I thought that was strange but I just kept praying. Then I realized it was the first song playing again! It was as if God wanted me to be sure that song was from Him! Even in our worst moments, God is with us. He is waiting, arms wide open, ready to forgive us. So, why wouldn’t we run?

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A little bit about Malerie...

My name is Malerie Taylor. I have been married to my wonderful husband John for eleven years and we have two precious children, James (5) and Nora Thomas (2).

I worked as a nurse for eight years before I became a stay at home mama. I love Jesus! 

My favorite things are my family, being outside, studying God’s word, and spending time with other mamas and their kiddos. 

I am so thankful for this season of raising my children and the blessing of being able to point them to Jesus each day!