I met summer 2021 me for coffee. (Miscarriage)

I met summer 2021 me for coffee. 

I greeted her with a smile. She kept her head down. I ordered my coffee and just ordered her the same as tears rolled down her cheeks. 

I told her she I was glad she came. She said she was forced to because her husband thought it would help. We sat at a table across from each other and she wept. 

I sat patiently and remembered the feelings all too well. 

She exclaimed through sobs that she still didn’t understand why and that she just wants her baby. She’s mad. She’s disappointed and she hates everything. She tells me that she knows people are trying but she just wants to be alone because she’s so broken. She doesn’t understand why God couldn’t let her hold on to this hope. Everything in her life seemed broken and every answer was a “no.” 

I pulled her into a hug that I knew she didn’t want to be in. 

I looked deeply in her eyes and told her “It’s not fair and grief is hard. In fact, it sucks. There is no timetable. There is no guideline. It is deep and hits you when you never expect but God has put a testimony of this within your heart and you sharing your story will open the door for so many other women to be comfortable to share theirs. He will give you a strength that you never imagined. You won’t even see all of the ways God uses this for years to come.” 

Then I leaned forward and wiped her tear as I promised her that there is a rainbow after this storm. 

I knew that wasn’t enough. I knew she was still broken but I also knew, the hope would slowly shine through again.