I Met My Younger Self for Coffee Today (Aviela Groder)

I met 12 year old me for coffee today.

She was on time. Just like me. She ordered an iced chai tea latte & a chocolate croissant. I ordered an iced unsweetened matcha.

She wore a crop top and ripped skinny jeans. I wore leggings and a knit sweater.

She looked tired. She had dark circles under her pain filled eyes. Like she hadn’t slept well in months. Like she was constantly fighting herself. But she put on her brave face.

“I haven’t eaten anything all day.” She said, taking a small bite of her food.

“I know.” I replied.

She told me about the boy I was talking to and how she thought it was love. I smiled and told her about how content I was with being single. She didn’t believe me.

I told her I had gained weight. She winced at the thought. I explained how I have never felt healthier. I went on to tell her my mind was a quiet place and my spirit felt at rest. She shook her head with doubt. Tears spilled from her eyes.

She admitted how alone she felt. How she spent so much time worrying about her body. How she never felt good enough. She told me she cried all the time. She talked quickly with self hatred in her voice.

I listened quietly. I held her hand and I told her about my life now. About my community and the people who loved me. I told how I felt so free. I told her that it got better. The darkness didn’t last forever. I told her how I fell in love with Jesus. I told her how I get to tell people our story with no regret or shame.

She looked me in my eyes. Almost jealous of what she didn’t have. She seemed to compare herself to me, insecure in her own skin.

I grasped her other hand. I smiled reassuringly. I told her I understood. I hugged her and reminded her to eat dinner that night. I left with a smile on my face knowing she would be okay.