Have you ever been in a place where you had many people around you, yet felt so alone?
This familiar place of isolation is a little place that I have settled in more than once recently. The last few years I have had many roles. Wife, mother, daughter, sister, friend, and many other roles were all titles that I carried proudly while completing college full time and working full time. While on this crazy road, I slowly put myself in a place of isolation. Now hear me out… Isolation isn’t always bad. We see Jesus many times in scripture separate himself to pray and prepare for what God had called him to do. But I humble tell you sister, that the season of isolation I was in was not one of rest or peace. It was me separating myself mentally from the titles and roles that I carried because I was in survival mode. This mode may be very familiar to you. It’s the constant state of going from one thing to the next as you grow further and further from your support systems. You begin to feel you are missing everything in life because though you may be physically present you are mentally far, far away.
So, this is the island that I had found myself on. And I didn’t realize where my ship had sailed until those closest to me started asking me the question, “Are you okay?” I can say now with a very humble heart that I wasn’t okay, but I did not have the discernment to recognize that I wasn’t amid the chaos. Going back to the question I asked you a minute ago, I was surrounded by so many people ready to cheer me on in every role, but I have never felt more alone. I lived in my head when my head was too cluttered to navigate and because of this I found myself lashing out at those I love often. It was then that I identified with someone in scripture I never had, Moses. In Exodus 18 we see Moses at his wits end. He has been wandering and wandering in the desert and he was getting frustrated with his people for not picking up their slack. He wanted so badly to get the people to the promise land but felt as though it was an impossible task. Just then his father-in-law, Jethro, that we know is a man of God visits Moses and the Israelites. Jethro walks in with his winning and bubbly personality talking about how proud he is of Moses and that is when Moses just snaps. He loses it with someone very dear to him because he just can’t hold everything anymore. Jethro’s quick response was to expose to Moses that he was carrying a weight that was way to heavy and big for him to bear alone. Jethro encourages Moses to share the load with the elders in the church. There is something so significant to me in this.
This is the subtle reminder that you cannot carry that weight alone. When you find yourself in that dangerous place of survival mode and no one, not even yourself, can do anything right you will hear this little warning signal going off. Most of the time it will come from those in your corner that love you and know you the most. For Moses it was Jethro. For me it was my husband, mom, and best friends. To put it this way… no, I did not hear the audible voice of God through a burning bush, but I did hear the voice of God in those around me. Truly in the state I was in it hurt. I felt immediate offense as though they were suggesting I was not doing something good enough. I felt as though I had been a bad wife, mother, sister, daughter, friend. But that was not the voice of God. That was the voice of Pride telling me that I had a “mightier-than-they” standard to uphold. When I got past my pride, I recognized the truth behind what they were saying it sounded more like this: “We love you and we want you to be supported” and “We signed up for this journey with you, we’re ready to help.”
So, I did what Moses did. I started asking for help, I started asking for prayer, and I stopped allowing the enemy to keep me in isolation. I started talking more about what I was going through with people who had been there and combating boldly in prayer. I started resting more and being available to others to walk in life the way I have been called to be. Do I do it perfect? No. But I recognize the power that walking in community and praying over each other holds. I needed the Jethro’s in my life, and God called them right when I needed them. So let me now be the Jethro in whatever wilderness you may be walking in and encourage you to begin your new approach. Speak out against the storm in prayer. Talk to the people in your corner and ask them to pray for you. Allow time for healthy rest in Christ and undivided time for those you love. Remind yourself, you are called to these roles for a purpose so everyone, including yourself, deserves the best you.
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